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Les Poissons (Jeanette's Baloo version)
Inside the dining room table, Simon was standing near the window, looking out into the distance. While Dave was seated at the large table, beginning to clean his pipe, Simon was waiting patiently for Jeanette to arrive as he tried desperately to reason with the chipmunk. "Oh, Simon, be reasonable," said Dave, feeling clearly amused while waving his pipe in the air. "Nice young ladies just don't - swim around rescuing people in the middle of the ocean and then - flutter off into oblivion, like some -" Simon cut him off. "I'm tellin' you, Dave, she was REAL!" he said, "I'm gonna find that girl. And I'm gonna marry her." He put his left hand over his chin, gazing out the glass windows. Suddenly, laughter was heard from behind him. He turned his head to see the lover with the old woman. "Come on, honey." said a voice, "Don't be shy." It was Miss Miller. She stood by the door frame, guiding the lover into the dining room. Out of the shadows came Jeanette. Jeanette was now wearing a red sleeveless showgirl dress (that resembles a strapless skintight swimsuit) with white frills on the neckline, white tail feathers (similar to Red Hot Riding Hood's showgirl dress from the Tex Avery cartoon "The Shooting of Dan McGoo”), and red pumps. She was still wearing her pink glasses. This was a new look for Jeanette, and she showed that she was being treated well by the servants. Simon's eyes widened as Dave walked up behind the chipmunk. "Oh, Simon, isn't she a vision?" asked Dave. The grin he had was never slipping off his face. Simon's mouth hung open. But he closed his mouth and swallowed, feeling somewhat nervous. "You look - wonderful." Simon stammered. Jeanette, unable to say, "Thank you," replied with a gentle blush, she shrugged her shoulders, appreciating the nice comment, a smile on her face as her blue eyes looked up from behind her brown hair. Simon blushed a light pink as Dave helped Simon into his chair, quite enthusiastic, but not before giving the young princess a light nudge. Simon pursed his lips, but grinned nonetheless. "Come come come, you must be famished. Let me help you my dear. There we go - ah - quite comfy?" He helped the princess into her seat. Simon tucked the chair under the table as the brown-haired chipette sat down. "Uh, it's...it's not often that we have such a lovely dinner guest, eh, Simon?" Jeanette wasn't playing attention anymore. She was too intrigued by the glistening silver 'dinglehopper' resting on the table. With a wide smile, she picked up the shiny object and began brushing her hair with it. She looked up to face a confused Simon and a horrified Dave. Jeanette delicately placed the 'dinglehopper' back on the table and looked down in embarrassment. She bit her lip and looked up as she saw Dave using a lighter to ignite the coppery thing that Jeanette understood as a 'snarfblatt'. Dave kindly smiled at her, and handed her his pipe. "Uh, do you like it?" he asked, "It is a rather fine..." Dave stopped in mid-sentence when the brown-haired chipette blew into the pipe as if it was a trumpet, sending a cloud of smoke spurting out the top and straight into his face. Simon cracked up with laughter while Miss Miller gave a small giggle. "Oh, my!" she exclaimed. Simon cleared his throat, trying to regain composure. "Ahem. I'm sorry, Dave." Miss Miller smiled, placing a hand on the chipmunk's shoulder, "Why, Sora," she said. "That's the first time I've seen you smile in weeks." Jeanette looked up from the table and smiled. "Oh, very amusing," said Dave, as he used a handkerchief to wipe the last bit of smoke of his face and sniffed. "Beatrice, my dear, what's for dinner?" "Oooh, you're gonna love it!" Miss Miller smiled. "Chef's been fixing his specialty, stuffed mouse!" Timothy poked his head out from behind a sugar bowl and gasped upon seeing the chef of a French kitchen. He was a dark bluish-gray Indian sloth bear with a crimson nose, a gray muzzle and belly, white claws toenails, three fingers and a thumb on each hand, and a brief tail. He wears a yellow polo shirt, a white chef's hat and a matching apron. His name was Baloo, the French chef of the kitchen. Baloo rummaged through a cupboard. Singing in French to himself, he hummed to himself as he took a basket of trout and putting one on a counter. With his food ready, the bear chef started singing. Baloo: Les poissons Les poissons How I love '''les poissons' ''Love to chop And to serve little fish Grabbing the trout from the basket, Baloo pulled out a cleaver and violently chopped off its head. This shocked Timothy horribly. Horrified that this was happening, Timothy hid his face. Baloo: First I cut off their heads Then I pull out the bones Ah mais oui Ca c'est toujours delish Taking out another trout, Baloo took the cleaver and violently chopped off its head then proceeded to skin it and gut it while Timothy leaned against a wall and covered his mouth, feeling quite sick, feeling as if he may want to throw up. Baloo: Les poissons Les poissons Hee hee hee Hah hah hah With the cleaver I hack them in two Taking out another trout, Baloo again chopped its head and then chopped the rest of the body into tiny pieces. Timothy tried getting away, but he found himself face to face with the trout's head. Baloo: I pull out what's inside And I serve it up fried Cause I love little fishes'' Don't you? After cutting the trout's head off, Baloo pulled out the insides of the trout and cooked it on a frying pan before serving it on a plate. Spotting a large lettuce leaf, Timothy grabbed the leaf and used it to disguise himself as he slowly scuttled away from an unsuspecting chef, who is too absorbed into his little fish hacking mania but Baloo took a mallet and began smashing a tuna flat. Baloo: Here's something for tempting the palate Prepared in the classic technique First you pound the fish flat with a mallet When Baloo pounded the tuna flat with the mallet, Timothy flew off the counter along with other stuff on it. He hid again under the lettuce before hearing more gross stuff from Baloo's preparations for the tuna. Baloo: Then you slash through the skin Give the belly a slice Then you rub some salt in 'Cause that makes it taste nice When Baloo was describing those horrid moves, Timothy cringed even more. Just after Baloo put the salt on he rather was holding the fish body close to his cheek, Timothy's worst fear was confirmed when the cook reached out and grabbed the lettuce leaf, leaving him exposed. The mouse kept perfectly still as the chef gasped, "Zut alors!" exclaimed Baloo, "I have missed one!" He picked up the 'dead' mouse and continued singing, Baloo: ''Sacre bleu'' What is this? How on earth could I miss Such a sweet little succulent mouse? ''Quel dommage'' What a loss Here we go In the sauce Now some flour I think just a spurt Baloo tossed Timothy into a bowl of sauce and threw a spot of flour in his face, making him cough and sneeze before pulling him out and stuffing some breadcrumbs in his mouth. Baloo: Now I stuff you with bread It don't hurt 'cause you're dead And you're certainly lucky you are Timothy spat out the breadcrumbs and wheezed loudly. Baloo didn't notice that the mouse in his hand was still alive. Baloo: 'Cause it's gonna be hot In my big silver pot Toodle loo ''Mon poisson'' ''Au revoir!''' Baloo threw Timothy across the room into a large pot of boiling water. Baloo held on to the inside of the pot before a bubble popped, burning him out of the pot and onto the counter with a loud thud. Baloo, hearing the 'thud', looked over to it being confused. He used a pitchfork-like utensil and stabs on either side of the mouse, picking up Timothy and carefully inspected it. "What is this?" he asked. Timothy bit Baloo's nose, making him scream in pain as he held his nose. Timothy landed on the handle of a pan on the stove. Baloo reached for the mouse, but instead put his hand on the fiery hot stove. The chef screamed and blew on his hand as the pan fell onto his foot. Baloo grabbed his foot and cried in pain, before sending Timothy an angry glare, grabbing a bunch of knives and hurling them at the mouse. Timothy, who ducked each knife, dove under the counter, and while the chef was looking under the counter, Timothy pushed the bowl of sauce off the counter. The bowl shattered on his head. Going more insane, Baloo lifted his cleaver and brought it down. But all he managed to chop up was the counter. He saw Timothy running for his life. Timothy screamed as he tried getting out. The cleaver landed right in front of him, stopping him from running that way. He quickly made a mad dash underneath Baloo and hid underneath a cabinet of glasses and pottery. Baloo screamed, holding his mallet in his hand, Timothy hid as the psychotic chef jumped and crashed into the shelves. Back in the dining room, everyone heard loud crashes coming from the kitchen. Miss Miller, who was pouring drinks for the prince, Dave, and their young guest, looked in the direction of the kitchen at the sound of a large crash. "I think I'd better go see what Baloo is up to." she said. Once she had excused herself, she hurriedly made her way to the palace kitchen. Back in the kitchen, the insane chef, ripped clothes and all, was tearing apart the cabinet, mindlessly throwing things out of the way trying to find Timothy. "Come out, you little pipsqueak, AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!" he snarled. He continued to tear apart a cupboard. "Baloo!" shouted Miss Miller. He shot up, banging his head on the shelf, causing several new pots and pans to fall or break on the floor, at the sound of Miss Miller's shrill voice. His shirt and apron were torn and stained, his chef's hat was gone, and there was a hole in the shoulder of his shirt. "What are you doing?" Miss Miller demanded. Baloo stammered about what he was doing earlier. "Well - I - I was just - er, er, I'm sorry, ''madame." he finally said. Miss Miller scowled at the bear as he gave her an apologetic grin and pinched out a fire that had started on his whisker. Miss Miller picked up the plates - which all had a metal dome over the top - off a nearby bench, and storming out the kitchen. "Well, I never!" she exclaimed in disgust. Dave set his glass back on the table as Miss Miller placed their dinners in front of him, Jeanette, and Simon. "You know, Simon," he said. "perhaps our young guest might enjoy seeing some of the sights of the kingdom. Something in the way of a tour?" Simon simply sat there, staring at Jeanette with a lovestruck expression on his face. Realizing that Dave had said something to them, they snapped out of their daze. Sora let out a small chuckle and looked at Dave. "I'm sorry, Dave." he said, "What was that?" Dave leaned over to the chipmunk and whispered, "You can't spend all your time moping about, you need to get out. Do something, have a life. Get your mind off-" As Dave complained, he opened his dish, and Timothy was huddled inside. Jeanette noticed Timothy and became worried. Timothy quietly shushed the worried chipette, who opened her dish and urged for Timothy to quickly hide in hers. "Easy, Dave, easy." said Simon, "It's not a bad idea. If she's interested." As the two chatted, Timothy quickly and quietly dashed across the table and hid in Jeanette's dish. With Timothy safe, Jeanette quickly turned to Simon. "Well, what do you say?" asked Simon. "Would you like to join me on a tour of my kingdom tomorrow?" Jeanette nodded, genuinely excited by the prospect and also internally relieved. "Wonderful!" beamed Dave. "Now let's eat, before this mouse wanders off my plate." He looked down, only to be confused that Timothy had just run off his plate. Dinner got carried on into the evening long after the sun had set and afterwards, Jeanette, Simon, and Dave went their separate ways. Jeanette was now dressed in her nightclothes as she watched Simon play with Spunky from the balcony. Jeanette was now wearing a purple nightgown with short, puffy sleeves, a violet ribbon wrapped around the waist, lavender slippers, and a matching sleeping mask. "Come here boy!" Simon laughed to Spunky, "Arrr!!!" He knelt on the ground and Spunky ran up to him and mewed with glee. Simon growled playfully at the kitten as he pinned him down. He looked up and smiled when he saw that the girl he'd found on the beach that day, watching. Simon waved at Jeanette, and she waved back, before slipping further back into her room. Simon's eyes sparkled as his smile widened. He was actually really looking forward to taking her around his kingdom tomorrow, and could only hope that she felt the same way. Jeanette smiled as she brushed her hair with her fork. Timothy (who was now wearing a green grass skirt, a purple lei, and a red flower behind his ear as his pajamas) complained about his experience in the kitchen as he cleaned off the cooking spices. "This has got to be, without a doubt, the single most humiliating day of my life." he complained. Jeanette patted Timothy on the head. "I hope you appreciate what I go through for you, young lady!" scolded the circus mouse, as he waved his lettuce leaf at Jeanette while she walked over to her bed. Jeanette's bed was a large canopy bed with lilac mattresses & matching bedsheets & pillows, large white blue (with golden draw-tassels) on all four sides (attached to the purple canopy), lavender blankets, white linens, a warm, fuzzy, purple blanket, & violet mahogany bedposts (with a headboard of the same color & material). Anyway, Timothy told Jeanette, "Now, we've got to make a plan to get that chipmunk to kiss you." She removed her slippers, took off her glasses and placed them on the dresser, lowered her sleeping mask, opened the curtains, and bounced a little before settling back into the large pillow on the left side of the canopy bed and crawled under the covers. "Tomorrow, when he takes you for that ride, you gotta look your best." said Timothy. Jeanette lay in her bed. It was very comfy and warm. It was a nice place for her to sleep for the night. "You're gonna bat your eyes - like this," Timothy went on, as he batted his eyes and puckered his lips. "You gotta pucker up your lips - like this." But by now, he realized that Jeanette was already fast asleep. Timothy shook his head and smiled. "Hm." He blew out the candle on the bed side table. He hopped onto one of Jeanette's pillows, closed the curtains, and before falling asleep himself, he said, "You are hopeless, child. You know that?" He yawned and closed his eyes as Jeanette covered him up with her purple blanket. "Completely hopeless!" And with that, Jeanette and Timothy both fell asleep for the night. Category:Fan Fiction Category:The Little Mermaid Fanmakes Category:The Little Mermaid Parodies Category:The Little Mermaid Spoofs Category:The Little Mermaid Fanfiction Category:The Little Mermaid Fanmake Category:Songs Category:Spin-offs